Glamour Is A Rocky Road....

Where's My Little China Girl??

...sooo anybody been to chinatown lately???...
notice anything missing????
well never fear...today at 230pm i walked into the Chick-Fil-A in Reston, VA...
(please... dont ask why...thats a WHOLE other post..)
Evidently alllll the chinese people have moved there...place was popping with em..
even one old dude who had somehow forced his comb-over into a faux-hawk...
no kidding.. it was amazing..
xoxo

If you're gonna be boring.....stay home

words to live by..
from Donatella... (a blond)

go get your fourth on kids...and ...

for petes sake dont set your hair on fire with the sparklers!!
xoxo

The Beautiful People....

The HOTTEST DC Artists are gonna gather....
thats hot...
there will be lobster...
thats hot too....if you see me..
remind me i owe matt sesow CA$H..
and tell me i look hot...
xoxo
sb

Bored with Your Sex Life??

Last night... i used a "john".... to keep from getting a parking ticket...
It started innocently enuff.. i was late...still rush hour..no parking.. 100 dollar fine..

He was looking for the Girls Next Door.. a Lost Boy ...

i spotted him right away..

he was staring at the keypad on my door.. pretending to talk on the cell..wearing Oakley sunglasses circa 1987 -that were bound to be keeping him from getting laid any other way- otherwise..he was cute..in a goofy frat boy looking way... 6'4" muscular  short cropped brown hair.. de rigeur ball cap..  baggy shorts and a generic polo shirt....i mean 3 vodka tonics and if he knew the right bands...id prob. do him..

me..well... i had the top down.. my ponytail was high and wind mussed.. big chanel sunglasses ..too tight black t-shirt .. so he looked hopeful when i put the european sports car (now dubbed "sex on wheels" by the ditsy little tart)  into low growl .. and braked hard right in front of him...
i decided almost instantly to use him...
i smiled and waved at him ... (thinking..damn im glad i wore a padded bra!)
i hit the flashers.. and pulled out the key...
started grabbing shopping bags.. and pushed my padded bits out in front of me a bit more than usual.. 
he gawked a bit..
then he started to follow me inside!!!...(johns always want to get off the street ASAP)
but i stopped him and said..

"Watch my car Honey!! DONt let them ticket it!!" ...

"ok ok ok no ticket" .. he said enthusiastically..with a thick eastern european accent.. and a huge grin that made him seem younger than the Oakley sunglasses suggested....

I dropped off my packages.. checked my makeup - powdered my nose..adjusted my ponytail.. and kept a wary  eye on "John" dutifully guarding my car... from the window...
then grabbed the key..& headed back out...

i nodded to him ...saying thank you.... and went around toward the drivers side..
he seemed perplexed..

he hadnt realized i was gonna leave..

i pointed to the "Girls Next Door" and said...Ring THAT bell..
Ahhh..he smiled...
and i headed off to park...
When i crossed the street a few min later from the garage..he was gone..
i went back inside dropped off my car key.. grabbed my jacket..
and headed out to walk a few blocks to my dinner date...
there was the usual rush hour number of people on the street heading toward various metros  and bus stops...
so i didnt notice him fall in behind me and start following me..
...in hindsight i should have been more careful

about a half a block later..he was calling me...MISS?? MISS??
i turned and almost got knocked over by him!
"IT'S ME AGAIN MISS" he said ..now looking sheepish... and i swear blushing..
I almost felt kinda sorry for him..

• John: "Your Working???"
• SB:     "umm.. no honey..sorry.. not today..im done!"
• John: " Tomorrow?"   (now i KNOW what hope SOUNDS like..)
• SB:    "umm..no ..not tomorrow either"
• John: "when when??"
• SB:    "oh i dunno...  maybe Next Week"
• John: "ok ok ok ..Next Week!"

and he disappeared back into the crowd....
I had dinner ..the whole time thinking..
im outta town all week next week..

"Little Snack in the Sack...Baby dont come back..
Midnight, Moonlight, good night...
Little Snake in the Grass... trading kisses for cash..."
                                                 -tkk   

xoxo

Hell No We Wont Go

boys....
that was not cool... if i have to come over there..somebodys gonna get a pointy black patent leather stiletto up his ass.. and not in the good way!!

Achtung Baby!!

FYI babies...CLEAVAGE never hurt anybody! uptight mutherfuckers...they made me cuss.... at easter...bastards....its eva longoria for gods sake... she has the cleavage of a chubby teenage boy...  f-ing conservatives morons..

thanks..i feel a little bit better..

xoxo

A Quiet Gathering of the Gods....

Hi sugarbabies....
last weekend…while washingtonians went about doing their normal washingtonian stuff.. there was a

Quiet Gathering Of The Art Gods..
 Hemphill Fine Arts  (1515 14^th St NW) deserves props for stepping outside their safe usual stuff and hosting a show Tug of War that included most of the Giants of the Lowbrow Genre.. or
Pop Surrealism.. as it has become known..

In any other city..

ok … any major city with a half decent art scene…

just one of these guys would have been enough to have lines around the block of art school confidential wannabes, groupies, and serious collectors…commanding prices that range from three hundred to 13 thousand… there is usually something for everyone..

but DC..well...I suppose it would be stretching it to call our art tastes anything other than kinda blah… not that we don’t have great artists.. we do.. or that we don’t have galleries that try to showcase good stuff.. we do..

we just cant seem to get the ultra conservative folks around DC to care about anything more risky than some black and white photos of statues…

but.. this weekend THEY were HERE..

and the stuff while risky by DC standards.. was… pretty tame when measured next to the body of most of these artists  work…

 the show includes the works of:

SHAG, Glenn Barr, Chris Mars, Joe Sorren, Tim Biskup, Gary Baseman, Liz McGrath, Bob Dob, Gary Taxali, Scot Musgrove, Daniel Peacock, Danial Martin Diaz… etc etc..

and will be here thru April 7^th… 

The Sunday Book Signing… included the following Superstars:

SHAG (Josh Agle) ..you know his work even if you don’t know you know it…

Glenn Barr …ahhh…my personal fave.. a Detroit native and brilliant fella… there are a few of his hanging at home..  here is his famous..
Jesus Tour 

 

a pretty cool way to roll...would'nt you agree???

Liz McGrath… kick ass gothy twisted stuff that never fails to get folks talking...her submission here.. doesn’t disappoint

 Bob Dob… ive been wanting one of his exaggerated angsty adolescents for a while now too…

 

the Gods were all sitting round a long L shaped table with bottles of Perrier on hand…
(kinda weird.. pop surrealism in itself ) chatting easily with each other and supporters…signing books and goodies…there was a slow but steady crowd that came through.. some in punky leather jackets, some in jcrew, (one blond in killer red patent leather pradas ;-)) 
but… not an overwhelming crowd… not the kind that would require bouncers… not the kind they would have had if they managed to gather these guys (and dolls) in any other town..
or maybe just in a town that believed that there is more to life than the scooter libby trial......
xoxo

sb

The Lost Boys..

johnspotting...
soo babies.. living with the girls next door i have developed some survival skills that probably would have eluded me had i not had to fend off johns for the past several years.. you know what i mean....certain traits have evolved...in order to compensate for the environment.. my gaydar is spot on (that comes from growing up near the P Street Beach).. and over the last few years my "john spotter" has evolved to about an 80% accuracy rate...

generally speaking johns are quiet and are trying to be discreet.
NOTE: most johns are far more wary of me than i am of them.. they say this is true of rats as well..but i dont believe it with the rats..lol

the species seems to be divided into several sub species
by far the easiest to spot is the "first timer" aka "the Lost Boys"
The Lost Boys are trying a little too hard to look like they know where they are going..
they are trying soooo hard to look casual.. but they are throwing off so many endorphins..that they might as well wear a Big Horny U sweatshirt
The Lost Boys will walk up and down the block at least twice..
The Lost Boys will often employ a cell phone.. and pretend to be talking to someone
The Lost Boys will stare very intently at the facade of my building..looking for a clue to "THE DOOR"
The Lost Boys will often ring my doorbell...or even walk into the building on the other side of me..

the kids in there get a kick outta The Lost Boys .... and will torture them mercilessly with stuff like:
"looking for a hummer??"
"blowjobs are two doors down dude!"
"your pretty cute we can take care of you here"

the manager in there is gay and will often throw in a few breeder slurs.. just for fun..

if i happen to be outside The Lost Boys will look kinda wistfully at me.. 
but are too afraid to ask any questions... some other common Lost Boy responses seem to include:

if i smile at him.. he will smile back.. but quickly turn his back & pretend to use cell phone again...

if i ask how he is doing... he will think im the cops and kinda try to get outta range of personal conversation..by skittering backwards several steps

if im sitting on the stoop  and say..."evening sugar pie" his eyes will light up for a split second while he processes that im not asian..

If i say.. Can i help you?? are you lost??.....he will start stuttering

this seems to be a mating call of sorts..because usually when they start stuttering.. i point to the door and one of the girls next door will step out to collect the poor little Lost Boy..and hurry him into the brothel..nodding her head and smiling at me  "good evening miss suicide blond"... they will say..even if it is morning.....

side bar:..   i like morning sex as much as the next person..but im always amazed at the number of Lost Boys who show up at like 6 am. jeezuz christ fella the bars closed three hours ago and you have to be back in govt cubicle in two hours.. so have you been wandering the streets in search of Pardise..or the girls next door.. for three hours?? or did you wake Yourself Xtra Early for a blowski??.. or more likely ...did you tell your wife you had to go in early to "BEAT TRAFFIC" is that what the kids are calling it now??

  over the years i have learned to like living with the girls next door. on several occassions ive been tempted to move for one reason or another..but ..i always end up saying to myself..where else am i gonna get a view like this?? and where else can i just sit out front or in the window for crazy entertainment.. i mean dont folks realize how fun it is to dress up like a pornstar and sit next door to a brothel??? YOU CANT PAY FOR ENTERTAINMENT LIKE THIS..lol.. i guess the real thing ive learned over the years (as we close out another one)... is to never underestimate what a horny fella will do for some cookie.. he will face his fears.. charge headlong into an office building full of gays, pace awkwardly outside for freaking ever... and pay money..oh yeah..he will even pay money for it...sigh.. boys are sooo damn silly
xoxo
sb

The Sex Kitten VS. The Super WalMart

oh babies..sometimes.. i just cant help myself! I know better than to doll up like a Rockabilly Pornstar and visit the Super WalMart in rural Virginia..... but i was in a "lets have some fun with this..." mood and ... well... we did!!!
so imagine a suicide blond... with super long, super blond hair pulled into playful ponytails... a black sweater, jeans that are cuffed up hi to reveal nude fishnets and  powerful..head turning ....make a drag queen cry..... cherry red patent leather prada mary janes with five inch heels on a two inch platform... the new ones with the fun lug soles and metal toes.. oh my...

well first i tried out my "look " by pulling the ES into a local car wash spot and asking for a hand job.lol.....
hahah
like i said .. i was in quite a mood... but i have to say... i loved swinging a leg outta that car ... and watching the place stop.. (even straight boys have been known to double take on this particular pair of Pradas) .. i left my European Sportscar ...there for a spa day... and climbed..literally... into the BIGGEST pickup truck i have ever ridden in.... for a ride to the "SUPER WALMART" ... well...
generally speaking i don't support Walmart.... mostly cause they don't sell cds that have nasty lyrics... and i figure.... why is that worse than the whole guns and ammo section... but ..sex kittens aren't supposed to worry bout that stuff....and today i was def. rocking sex kitten...soo...

i was heading into the Super WalMart... and a boy was pushing a train....i didn't know they had these things but they do..... and it is this train that pushes..tons.......of carts back to the store from the parking lot...and there was a boy driving  the train... and he was looking at my ass shoes..... and he should have been looking at where his train was going cause it hit a bollard... and he almost fell off the train driving thingy...and buzzers started going off...and i thought...humm..this is a fun start...

Sex Kitten One..... Super Walmart Zero...

Then i proceeded into ..what is essentially an entire town.. there is an optician,  a korean manicurist, a glamour portrait place, a hair salon, a bank, and subway (the sandwich shop not the metro).... alll lined up along the front of the store.....to my left.... a large grocery store ..to my right... a large reg walmart type everything store.. it is pretty darn impressive... 

one of the first things you notice about rural country folks... is that they are huge....
reallly big.. i suppose it comes from buying your groceries at Super Walmart
and they dress crazy..
it is surreal... AND then to boot, they are all looking at me ..like i am the crazy one! lol

perspective..i suppose it is all in your perspective....

...lol so im walking along next to the the Driver of Biggest Pickup I've ever Ridden In and and im showing  him the new pecan sandies that have chocolate in the middle and he says he likes his pecan sandies the old fashioned way and doesn't know if they would be better with chocolate in the middle.... to which i responded ...

"Everything is better with chocolate in the middle"

and i heard somebody behind me burst into laughter... i turned and there was a cute little black girl...
i winked at her and... she confirmed for him...that i was right...

he shrugged and gave up the argument...into the cart went the new pecan sandies! lol....

Sex Kitten One  .. Pickup Driver Zero

I like the way this is going....... ganging up on him with that cute little girl and all..he didnt have a chance..

then in the final bit.. i had to run back (forgot cream cheese) and some poor fella got totallly distracted by my shoes and ...dropped a gallon of orange juice...

omg!!!!..what a mess

Sex Kitten WINS!!!!...
but honestly....with these shoes..it hardly seemed like a fair fight..
xoxo

Everbody Wants Some...

have you ever had a day.. where everyone WANTS SOMETHING from you??

• the Boyscout wants me to wear my seatbelt (jeez..ok ok ) and loan him my fave porn... (no way dude... its my favorite...get your own)
• the Rockstar wants me to get a tattoo of his band logo ... (umm... no thanks..i fucking swear to god..i couldn't make this shit up)
  
• the bank..wants me to DEPOSIT money into my account BEFORE i try to spend it...and get this..they want me to do it like that EVERY TIME.... (ok ok...lady..i get it...relax!!)
• The Ditsy Little Tart wants me to meet her in London next week (wish i could luv..)
• The Bitches...want me to go to the Rock and Roll Hotel and pull some Diva shit ...(kids..im freaking tooooo over that crap)
• the Poet... wants (and rightly deserves) for me to get back to him...
• the Writer.. F-ing up and moved outta town!! - ok that one doesnt really belong on this list but thought id update y'all
• Supreme Court wants to buy me a drink... yawn...
• the Artist wants to do a whole show of nekid paintings of me....(i am tooo tired to even comment on this shit right now)
• Mom wants me to come home for the holidays
• Dad wants me to do whatever my mom wants
• Baby Brother wants me to babysit..and do whatever mom wants
• The Cowboy wants me to move out of the city..(ummm..no way)
• Neighbor in #1 wants me to hold onto some lamps for her... (umm ok.... sure..throw em there under the christmas tree ..they will just look like MORE presents i havent wrapped..)
• Neighbor in #8 wants me to come to his Christmas Party
• The Girls Next Door want me to come over and pick up a gift basket they got me for the holidays... (awwwww.. isn't it nice when your neighbors show christmas love)
• the parking garage wants to raise my rates in January.. (figures)
• The Mayor..(homeless dude in my hood) wants my digits... (umm Mayor.. you know..that i know... that you dont have a phone..)