Glamour Is A Rocky Road....

Bikini Boot Camp...

the shit i get myself into..if someone says that it will be at the beach....

DAY 4....

breathing hurts..but that is good..right??

yoga at 7

cardio on beach at 8

"boot camp" on beach at 9

ab class at 10

"stretch fusion" at 11

break..for a bit of turkey and some iceberg lettuce (uggh...who eats that shit)

then we head to the hot tub.... spa.. or steam room...

id take pix but i dont think i can lift the camera

i even said no to a shopping excursion with one of the other girls..

she has been here for three weeks

she said today id be tired..

like i needed her to say that!!

otherwise..

all good..all fun..

Ditsy Lil Tart and i are sooooooooo in charge of this whole facitlity at the moment

and the instructor wishes we would just go away...but that is kinda what makes me keep at it... and not just grab a martini and head to the pool..if the fat girls are gonna do it..i can too.. rrgh..

we have instigated trouble...allllll around us...

even talked a "good girl" from michigan into breaking bad for the bar and convincing her to hit on

a hot older brit that is here....natch.. i told him she was sooo ready to drop her panites for him.. so he was prepared for the cutesy hair flip she threw at him... ahh... DLTart and i could sooo teach a class on chatting up boys at hotel bars! ...they alllll think we are a couple of tartsy whores!!!lol..... OMG.. we are having sooo much fun just stirring up shit....

the place is filled mostly with chubby girls from midwest ..so we feel like freaking Paris and Nicole here... we have converted young daniel from the front desk into our  personal hot tub boy!! manager was sooo pissed to find him there !!! hope he didnt get fired.. like the meth addicted SNL skit of a waitress...who did!..

i really cant tell you what a freak show florida is!!!!!!

i cant continue...im late for cardio kick boxing...

..im positive we are gonna burn in hell.... unless .... this IS helll... in which case... as soon as my abs stop hurting..and i get a vodka tonic....ill prob love it...

xoxo

Viva Las Vegas...

Sugarbabies.... it involved a midget, a fez, a Pabst Blue Ribbon and a Pistol....
I know i know what happens in Vegas ..stays ...in Vegas... but if a few pics leaked out i couldnt realllllllly be held responsible..

oh yeah... should they ask you at check in

"would you like a Fantasy Suite?"

   well..im not sure what YOU should say...but i said yes.. and..

i realllllllly think it may have been the most fun ive had in my whole life...that AND

i got to meet some of the folks i'll be spending eternity with.... in hell...

I've already said too much... you wouldnt believe it anyway...it was  THAT good!!! or umm...bad...

xoxo

Please Come to Austin....

hi babies..
ya know what is scarier than dating a rockstar??? well let me tell you..
having said rockstars LABEL call you in the middle of the night..
thats what..
goddamn them... fuckers...scared the bejesus out of me..
bastards.. didnt realize it was 1 am.. whatever..  they want me to come down to SXSW  in Texas..
cause you know how rockstars can get.. (moody and morose) and apparently some asshat genius at the label thought it would cheer him up if i came down there and surprised him!!!!  Thats a pretty EXTREME Booty Call ..placed by a wanna be wing man there....

ahem.....hello.. there is ONE rule to dating someone on the Road... only one rule..but it is a golden one that should NOT BE FUCKED UP.....

NEVER...NEVER ....NEVER... show up UNANNOUNCED...

when i pointed this out to the dickweed label moron... i could feel him blushing on the other end of the phone.... well i also told him..i wasnt alone.. and if he was gonna interrupt some sweet loving.
my beauty rest...he had better find a room for me at the San Jose'....
needless to say...im on my way...
jeez emo little bastards rockstars are cute..but they can be sooo much work......
xoxo

Highway to Hell

Hi sugar babies,
Being too tired to unpack...is not necessarily a good reason to agree to a roadtrip...
Daytona in february however, is hard to turn down...

but let me back up a bit... last Friday the 23rd..was my first day in the office in a while…
i have been in NYC got home thurs night..
as soon as i got in and put down my briefcase …some of my bitches announced they were going down to Daytona for “Bike Week”.. and insisted i  come with them...

at first i held them off.... get this ...i realllly  said no.. but they were persistent..

and anybody that knows me.... knows.....

you can talk me into ANYTHING

if i think it will include vodka tonics and nice weather..so soon enough i  decided..

OK.. Why the hell not??

• its hot there … and hot weather makes me happy..
• its hot there... and i'm not opposed to being tan in February
• its hot there... and i kinda deserve it after trips to Detroit and NYC
• and um...did i mention it gets hot there

it was a road trip and i was exhausted.... soo… i figured..... and this is how i think..i swear...

instead of going home and unpacking   too much like work...
i would sleep in the truck on the way to sunny Daytona…natch

• oh yeah.. and... anything i might need for "bike week"..maybe a tank top and toothbrush??    i could probably get at a 7-11 on the way...

so without a GOOD REASON TO SAY NO...

… we piled into a Monster Truck..and headed south… after about 30 min..
(which in this town doesn't really get you that far down the road) somebody asks:

bitch:  Hey! can you can get on the i-net with that fancy new blackberry??

me: sure... umm why???

and thats when they dropped the bomb…

bitch: "can you look to see WHEN Bike Week is ..for sure?"

asshats!! none of them had even looked to see when Bike Week Was!!!
… for the record …
It is NEXT WEEK… we turned around and headed back to the office!

oh well you know how road trips can be...easy come easy go… personally i would have kept right on going....i didnt care THAT much about beaches crowded with insurance salesmen pseudo biker trash ..i just wanted to go somewhere warm put an umbrella in my vodka tonic and lie next to a pool..

but the asshats bitches..... really wanted to go to “Bike Week”

soooooo i went home unpacked..did some laundry and spent the weekend watching chick flix.. and a full on snow storm... but im not gonna complain......

im reasonably sure they will talk me into it again this friday....cause i pretty much suck at saying no to sunshine...

i know, i know...

thats what you love about me!
xoxo

You Own It, You Better Never Let It Go

They don't drive European Sports Cars in Detroit....
i didn't pay any attention at allll when the agent at Hertz gave me the keys to a new Toyota...
later..as i was driving around tying to get a feel for the city... i noticed it... NO FOREIGN CARS... not one...ok..JUST the one I was driving... the closest thing to a foreign car that i saw was a Saturn.. good for them, way to go...way to practice what ya preach kids..either that or that employee discount is better than i would have thought....
i definitely felt that if i had been a dude i probably would have gotten my ass kicked a couple of times..instead i got out and kinda kicked at my toyota, shrugged and said to anyone looking ..
"its a rental"... as way of apology..

what Detroit does have is:

• a Wicked cool art scene ..i even purchased a few new ones and if i was more of a whore i woulda called Supreme Court and asked him to buy me a few of the ones i couldnt afford..ok i might still do this..they were that good... and if your gonna be a whore i def. believe you should be an art whore

• Detroit is tuff..it could kick DC's ass..if they were in a fight..(which Detroit would have started over some smart ass comment that DC said) Detroit would win.. there wouldnt even be a real contest..Detroit would just pummel the shit outta DC

• Smokestacks ... Detroit is an industrial town..still... as down and out as it is..it is actually working and there is smoke coming out of the smokestacks and there are lots of them... i found it comforting to watch smoke curl out of them.. of course this could have been because it was cold like Greenland there.

• Coneys and Condos... Detroit calls hot dogs coneys.. i dont know why..some sort of weird connection and tribute to coney island that nobody seems to be able to recall....but coney stands reign supreme.. officially a cony is a hot dog with chili like sauce "coney sauce" and raw onions.. and supposedly is a "detroit original" other than coneys the ONLY thing that seems to sell in Detroit is new "loft style" condos.. which is ironic because they build them right next to abandoned warehouses filled with glass block, gorgeous limestone arches, and 40 foot ceilings... you know buildings that would make great AUTHENTIC lofts...but people dont really want authentic .. its not just detroit.. folks want stainless appliances not authentic steel beams with real dents and rivets and i know the economics.. its cheaper to knock it down than to rehab..but it still strikes me funny...and sad at the same time.... and while i said they are selling.... i don't actually know that..what i KNOW is that there are A LOT of them FOR SALE... which is quite dif.

• Catfish and Grits that made this southerner a little envious....who woulda guessed??. the Majestic Cafe was a great stop... the food was delicious including the yummmy basil vinegarette... the staff was great.... although it completely threw her when she asked how i was and i responded  "im just Great! How are you??" .. she looked blankly.. she completely lost it..apparently  "how are you?" is considered a rhetorical question in detroit and if you actually answer... well...their rhythm is completely lost...lol..she eventually regrouped..nicely..

• The Heidelberg Project ...part housing project.. part art project this is the definitive example of art making a dif in peoples daily lives.. an amazing community art project that is alive and bringing people from all over the world to a "forgotten neighborhood" bridging what keeps urban poor separated and thereby segregated  from  the rest of the city and the world....

overall..i love it..
gritty 8 mile, "girls next door" on michigan ave,  lowbrow galleries on woodward, a karaoke bar that could make your ears bleed from outside in your american made car.. (or your rented toyota), art shows that go until two in the morning, jazz and techno musicians swapping tips over a coney...

   
Detroit is authentic industrial america..hot and cold..  deteriorating and rising up at the same time...   i like that in a town...
xoxo

Dirty Detroit...

Hi babies!! cause its just not cold enough here right now..
(i think my ears have frostbite from a morning run)

i thought id hightail it to DETROIT ..thats motor city people.. next weekend..that Hot Spot freaking glacier of a city is having their annual..

Dirty Art Show...sexxxellnt...

i cant wait.. im not sure i can be dirty at the temps they have up there..but.. as you all know...im the kinda girl that is willing to try!!
xoxo

The Sex Kitten VS. The Super WalMart

oh babies..sometimes.. i just cant help myself! I know better than to doll up like a Rockabilly Pornstar and visit the Super WalMart in rural Virginia..... but i was in a "lets have some fun with this..." mood and ... well... we did!!!
so imagine a suicide blond... with super long, super blond hair pulled into playful ponytails... a black sweater, jeans that are cuffed up hi to reveal nude fishnets and  powerful..head turning ....make a drag queen cry..... cherry red patent leather prada mary janes with five inch heels on a two inch platform... the new ones with the fun lug soles and metal toes.. oh my...

well first i tried out my "look " by pulling the ES into a local car wash spot and asking for a hand job.lol.....
hahah
like i said .. i was in quite a mood... but i have to say... i loved swinging a leg outta that car ... and watching the place stop.. (even straight boys have been known to double take on this particular pair of Pradas) .. i left my European Sportscar ...there for a spa day... and climbed..literally... into the BIGGEST pickup truck i have ever ridden in.... for a ride to the "SUPER WALMART" ... well...
generally speaking i don't support Walmart.... mostly cause they don't sell cds that have nasty lyrics... and i figure.... why is that worse than the whole guns and ammo section... but ..sex kittens aren't supposed to worry bout that stuff....and today i was def. rocking sex kitten...soo...

i was heading into the Super WalMart... and a boy was pushing a train....i didn't know they had these things but they do..... and it is this train that pushes..tons.......of carts back to the store from the parking lot...and there was a boy driving  the train... and he was looking at my ass shoes..... and he should have been looking at where his train was going cause it hit a bollard... and he almost fell off the train driving thingy...and buzzers started going off...and i thought...humm..this is a fun start...

Sex Kitten One..... Super Walmart Zero...

Then i proceeded into ..what is essentially an entire town.. there is an optician,  a korean manicurist, a glamour portrait place, a hair salon, a bank, and subway (the sandwich shop not the metro).... alll lined up along the front of the store.....to my left.... a large grocery store ..to my right... a large reg walmart type everything store.. it is pretty darn impressive... 

one of the first things you notice about rural country folks... is that they are huge....
reallly big.. i suppose it comes from buying your groceries at Super Walmart
and they dress crazy..
it is surreal... AND then to boot, they are all looking at me ..like i am the crazy one! lol

perspective..i suppose it is all in your perspective....

...lol so im walking along next to the the Driver of Biggest Pickup I've ever Ridden In and and im showing  him the new pecan sandies that have chocolate in the middle and he says he likes his pecan sandies the old fashioned way and doesn't know if they would be better with chocolate in the middle.... to which i responded ...

"Everything is better with chocolate in the middle"

and i heard somebody behind me burst into laughter... i turned and there was a cute little black girl...
i winked at her and... she confirmed for him...that i was right...

he shrugged and gave up the argument...into the cart went the new pecan sandies! lol....

Sex Kitten One  .. Pickup Driver Zero

I like the way this is going....... ganging up on him with that cute little girl and all..he didnt have a chance..

then in the final bit.. i had to run back (forgot cream cheese) and some poor fella got totallly distracted by my shoes and ...dropped a gallon of orange juice...

omg!!!!..what a mess

Sex Kitten WINS!!!!...
but honestly....with these shoes..it hardly seemed like a fair fight..
xoxo

Bad Girls And Boardwalks...

It is really hard to date wealthy men..
they are used to getting what they want ..when they want..
and .. they are really used to people doing what they ask them to... when they ask them to..

I had lunch with SC last weekend (Sat the 4th)..
he seemed particularly sad, he's a closet republican soo im sure he could feel the whipping that was coming on.... he said he was sorry and he fucked up and blah blah blah... and i sat there with a cup of chili and listened..
i'm good at that..
i identify what people need and ..try to give it to them..
he needed me to listen and he needed to apologize... so i let him
but...why im really proud of myself is..because when he passed me the keys to his new beach condo and told me to use it whenever i wanted...

i passed them back..

   ..it is smaller than his cottage... but only a few miles away... so ...i definitely felt like he was "setting me up" with my own place so i would come back down there.. and well..

NOT..

over means over...

it doesn't mean..over til you hook me up in condo with a view of the atlantic...

but it is hard...when someone with real resources decides to pursue you.. well.. they can be persuasive.. and you have to ask yourself...

am i here because i want to spend time with this person..or am i here cause i wanted to spend the weekend in paris ...

and what ratio of the two is acceptable......where is the tipping point........ that turns you into one of The Girls Next Door??

sooooo.. basically i KNOW he doesn't REALLY want me..he just wants to check me off his "things to do" list.. and.. im not ok with that.. he just is feeling a little sore..cause hes seen me round town with a new boy.(who is remaining nameless for now but is an excellent chef and soo cute im dying to post a pic here!!)... and im sure that stings a little..
sooo.. after lunch he walked me home and  asked to come in... but i said

NO.. we're Friends .... no benefits!!

but i was laughing and he was too... and it was the first time id seen him smile in ages... and then as he walked away he tossed the keys at me again..

" as a FRIEND do me favor and take 'em...no strings...take anybody you like..enjoy yourselves.. i don't need it & i wont be down that way till spring"

and then..just to prove he knows me....

          "The liquor cabinet is full and the sheets are Frette"

damn damn damn... who needs a vacation???
xoxo
sb

Mate in Two Moves..

i can do it too.. check mate in two moves.. it is a basic strategy..that EVERY kid in chess club learns really quick.. I however, was not in chess club.. i learned the lesson (and lots of others) late and the hard way.. but the point i guess ...is that i DID learn the lesson...

My baby brother is a professional chess player...
most folks don't realize that this career path even exists..but..
wacky world here ... it does and he is...
when we were little i taught my baby brother how to play chess.... (i needed somebody to play with)

to this day he has never beaten me..

sound impressive??.... its not..
when i was 12 years old i realized he was getting good at chess and might win a game.... sooo ..

i never played him again..
im really stubborn , have i mentioned that?? .. over the years he has begged and begged... lets just play a quick round..
he carries a little mat that rolls out into a chess board with him almost everywhere..
but i always made an excuse or flat out refused...seriously since i was 12!!...

now generally... i don't think of myself as a competitive person...

but at lunch with a friend today  when i told this story..combined with telling him how i could kick his ass in the quarter mile... well he asked ....if i had a competitive streak...
it made me think...
hummm.... maybe i do....perhaps i should analyze this...maybe THIS is what i need ..... recognize and address competitive streak....more introspection to come...

BUT.. made me think about something else i have an issue with... Semantics...
it started a LONG time ago as a running joke with a guy in my office... we would say something that was ENTIRELY true.... but ... was not actually meant in the way that most folks would perceive it.... then we would try to unravel the insult in the each others words... its fun..
for example...
"you look like a movie star" .... well now..the person usually takes this as a compliment....when in fact there are lots of movie stars that are not conventionally pretty ..think Kathy Bates ...

or.. maybe "that dress is stunning"... or
"is that your baby... awwww she looks just like you!!"
"I went to the University of Maryland" ... (to see a basketball game :-) not same as -was enrolled in classes there)

   or even  ..My brother (the grand master) has never beaten me ...
He HATES that i can say this!! lol ..it IS true..but im NOT that good of a player..

it was a fun game and we played it constantly... now days..i catch myself playing with myself.....(stop being juvenile thats not what i mean!!)   

it has turned into a bad habit...
i find myself saying things and NOT correcting folks when they ASSUME something that may or may not be true..because of the misleading nature of  "the semantics game" i am privately playing!!...

I end up getting myself in trouble... you can imagine..folks thinking something is one of my favorite foods... and making it special for me because i said once that it "reminded me of my grandma's cooking" ...

my grandma was a shitty cook!!!  a great grandma mind you..but a shitty cook!!
i don't have a therapist..but if i did..i wonder what he/she would make of this?  ...

oh whatever.. it is prob. just another one of the ridiculous games people play...
xoxo
sb

Insert Catchy Title Here...

Hi Kiddies..
sorry to be away soo long..ive actually started several new posts..but ive had trouble actually finishing them...its not like me..but maybe its the season change, or the time change, or maybe im getting lazy! lol...definitely was busy planning halloween debauchery.. Miss Hawaiian Tropic was in charge of the costumes and we ended up.... after MUCH ado.. as

Harajuku girls..(just google it)...lol AND
"Special Ops" Army Girls..lol...

You KNOW it is a good Halloween season if it requires multiple costumes... but now that that is behind me...i don't have a good excuse! lol

Miss Hawaiian Tropic gave her notice..the 10th is gonna be her last day..she is moving back down south... following a boy who is no good for her..but what are ya gonna do..you certainly cant tell anyone not to follow their heart!!!!

Have to have a party for her..
Have to get started on that...

so... what's been up you ask??

• spent a few days in the country.. getting my martha on...cleaning & cooking... i know i know... i don't cook... but every  once in a while ..usually in the fall..i get a wild hair and cook up a storm..  soo i coooked and cooked and then gave away a ton of tortellini soup, shepards pie .. lemon poppyseed cookies, orange ginger bundt cakes ..it was cathartic.. and tasted pretty damn good too..

• Saw SHORTBUS the other night..its softcore mostly gay porn.. but whatever..it was well done softcore mostly gay porn..

• I chased a firetruck outta chinatown ..i dont recommend doing this..

• did a late night tour of the city with the top down and kissed a boy in front of most of the major monuments.. i do recommend doing this..

• The Ditsy Little Tart has been  holed up with her beau..but we have plans tonight to get together and gossip & drink alll night long...

• The Girls Next Door... have been super busy the last few weeks...or maybe im just noticing the johns more....Girl Zero told me they were gonna be "closed" for halloween.. Apparently..it is the ONLY day of the year that they are closed! otherwise it is 24/7... go figure..
  

• SC wants me to go to a wedding with him..lol

• Rockstar is back on the road..wants me to come up to NYC ..soooo... i prob. will just cause  i love NYC and haven't been up there in a while.. & i like any excuse to wear false eyelashes!

planning to take the ES round the racetrack this weekend...if the weather holds..which it is soo not looking like it is going to do....soo..im completely conflicted...cause

• i really wanna race cause she has new tires and is running sooo great... but
• i really DON'T wanna race ...cause she has new tires and is running great..

damn...
xoxo
sb