Glamour Is A Rocky Road....

i've been kickin it with your girlfriend...

some things ..i am absolutely sure of....

• if you accidentally find yourself in the advanced TURBO kickboxing class instead of flow yoga ... you should prob. leave instead of pretending you knew all along this was gonna be Turbo kickboxing  class.   

• if you decide to stay in said kickboxing class...you should try NOT to stare at the hottie instructors boobs (which keep popping out of her "outfit") cause she could obviously go chuck norris on you...

• if you surprise yourself and others.... by finishing said TURBO Kickboxing class ... you should reward yourself  ... may i suggest??.. a menage a troi.. in bed...with my two favorite boys... Ben and Jerry... preferably squeeze cherry garcia in there too....

dont worry "Chuck Norris"...ill be back for more next week...
turbo kick that is ..ok ok..prob a tiny little menage a troi as well...

yours in sweaty cleavage,
xoxo
sb

Bikini Boot Camp...

the shit i get myself into..if someone says that it will be at the beach....

DAY 4....

breathing hurts..but that is good..right??

yoga at 7

cardio on beach at 8

"boot camp" on beach at 9

ab class at 10

"stretch fusion" at 11

break..for a bit of turkey and some iceberg lettuce (uggh...who eats that shit)

then we head to the hot tub.... spa.. or steam room...

id take pix but i dont think i can lift the camera

i even said no to a shopping excursion with one of the other girls..

she has been here for three weeks

she said today id be tired..

like i needed her to say that!!

otherwise..

all good..all fun..

Ditsy Lil Tart and i are sooooooooo in charge of this whole facitlity at the moment

and the instructor wishes we would just go away...but that is kinda what makes me keep at it... and not just grab a martini and head to the pool..if the fat girls are gonna do it..i can too.. rrgh..

we have instigated trouble...allllll around us...

even talked a "good girl" from michigan into breaking bad for the bar and convincing her to hit on

a hot older brit that is here....natch.. i told him she was sooo ready to drop her panites for him.. so he was prepared for the cutesy hair flip she threw at him... ahh... DLTart and i could sooo teach a class on chatting up boys at hotel bars! ...they alllll think we are a couple of tartsy whores!!!lol..... OMG.. we are having sooo much fun just stirring up shit....

the place is filled mostly with chubby girls from midwest ..so we feel like freaking Paris and Nicole here... we have converted young daniel from the front desk into our  personal hot tub boy!! manager was sooo pissed to find him there !!! hope he didnt get fired.. like the meth addicted SNL skit of a waitress...who did!..

i really cant tell you what a freak show florida is!!!!!!

i cant continue...im late for cardio kick boxing...

..im positive we are gonna burn in hell.... unless .... this IS helll... in which case... as soon as my abs stop hurting..and i get a vodka tonic....ill prob love it...

xoxo

I know what you're thinking, I haven't been drinking.....

today..my friend..who is a psychic treasure hunter... brought me cookies..
to me.. it seems like a shameful waste of psychic ability..
xoxo

Highway to Hell

Hi sugar babies,
Being too tired to unpack...is not necessarily a good reason to agree to a roadtrip...
Daytona in february however, is hard to turn down...

but let me back up a bit... last Friday the 23rd..was my first day in the office in a while…
i have been in NYC got home thurs night..
as soon as i got in and put down my briefcase …some of my bitches announced they were going down to Daytona for “Bike Week”.. and insisted i  come with them...

at first i held them off.... get this ...i realllly  said no.. but they were persistent..

and anybody that knows me.... knows.....

you can talk me into ANYTHING

if i think it will include vodka tonics and nice weather..so soon enough i  decided..

OK.. Why the hell not??

• its hot there … and hot weather makes me happy..
• its hot there... and i'm not opposed to being tan in February
• its hot there... and i kinda deserve it after trips to Detroit and NYC
• and um...did i mention it gets hot there

it was a road trip and i was exhausted.... soo… i figured..... and this is how i think..i swear...

instead of going home and unpacking   too much like work...
i would sleep in the truck on the way to sunny Daytona…natch

• oh yeah.. and... anything i might need for "bike week"..maybe a tank top and toothbrush??    i could probably get at a 7-11 on the way...

so without a GOOD REASON TO SAY NO...

… we piled into a Monster Truck..and headed south… after about 30 min..
(which in this town doesn't really get you that far down the road) somebody asks:

bitch:  Hey! can you can get on the i-net with that fancy new blackberry??

me: sure... umm why???

and thats when they dropped the bomb…

bitch: "can you look to see WHEN Bike Week is ..for sure?"

asshats!! none of them had even looked to see when Bike Week Was!!!
… for the record …
It is NEXT WEEK… we turned around and headed back to the office!

oh well you know how road trips can be...easy come easy go… personally i would have kept right on going....i didnt care THAT much about beaches crowded with insurance salesmen pseudo biker trash ..i just wanted to go somewhere warm put an umbrella in my vodka tonic and lie next to a pool..

but the asshats bitches..... really wanted to go to “Bike Week”

soooooo i went home unpacked..did some laundry and spent the weekend watching chick flix.. and a full on snow storm... but im not gonna complain......

im reasonably sure they will talk me into it again this friday....cause i pretty much suck at saying no to sunshine...

i know, i know...

thats what you love about me!
xoxo

The Sex Kitten VS. The Super WalMart

oh babies..sometimes.. i just cant help myself! I know better than to doll up like a Rockabilly Pornstar and visit the Super WalMart in rural Virginia..... but i was in a "lets have some fun with this..." mood and ... well... we did!!!
so imagine a suicide blond... with super long, super blond hair pulled into playful ponytails... a black sweater, jeans that are cuffed up hi to reveal nude fishnets and  powerful..head turning ....make a drag queen cry..... cherry red patent leather prada mary janes with five inch heels on a two inch platform... the new ones with the fun lug soles and metal toes.. oh my...

well first i tried out my "look " by pulling the ES into a local car wash spot and asking for a hand job.lol.....
hahah
like i said .. i was in quite a mood... but i have to say... i loved swinging a leg outta that car ... and watching the place stop.. (even straight boys have been known to double take on this particular pair of Pradas) .. i left my European Sportscar ...there for a spa day... and climbed..literally... into the BIGGEST pickup truck i have ever ridden in.... for a ride to the "SUPER WALMART" ... well...
generally speaking i don't support Walmart.... mostly cause they don't sell cds that have nasty lyrics... and i figure.... why is that worse than the whole guns and ammo section... but ..sex kittens aren't supposed to worry bout that stuff....and today i was def. rocking sex kitten...soo...

i was heading into the Super WalMart... and a boy was pushing a train....i didn't know they had these things but they do..... and it is this train that pushes..tons.......of carts back to the store from the parking lot...and there was a boy driving  the train... and he was looking at my ass shoes..... and he should have been looking at where his train was going cause it hit a bollard... and he almost fell off the train driving thingy...and buzzers started going off...and i thought...humm..this is a fun start...

Sex Kitten One..... Super Walmart Zero...

Then i proceeded into ..what is essentially an entire town.. there is an optician,  a korean manicurist, a glamour portrait place, a hair salon, a bank, and subway (the sandwich shop not the metro).... alll lined up along the front of the store.....to my left.... a large grocery store ..to my right... a large reg walmart type everything store.. it is pretty darn impressive... 

one of the first things you notice about rural country folks... is that they are huge....
reallly big.. i suppose it comes from buying your groceries at Super Walmart
and they dress crazy..
it is surreal... AND then to boot, they are all looking at me ..like i am the crazy one! lol

perspective..i suppose it is all in your perspective....

...lol so im walking along next to the the Driver of Biggest Pickup I've ever Ridden In and and im showing  him the new pecan sandies that have chocolate in the middle and he says he likes his pecan sandies the old fashioned way and doesn't know if they would be better with chocolate in the middle.... to which i responded ...

"Everything is better with chocolate in the middle"

and i heard somebody behind me burst into laughter... i turned and there was a cute little black girl...
i winked at her and... she confirmed for him...that i was right...

he shrugged and gave up the argument...into the cart went the new pecan sandies! lol....

Sex Kitten One  .. Pickup Driver Zero

I like the way this is going....... ganging up on him with that cute little girl and all..he didnt have a chance..

then in the final bit.. i had to run back (forgot cream cheese) and some poor fella got totallly distracted by my shoes and ...dropped a gallon of orange juice...

omg!!!!..what a mess

Sex Kitten WINS!!!!...
but honestly....with these shoes..it hardly seemed like a fair fight..
xoxo

Make Love, Not War..

hi sugar babies..hope your holidays are off to a great start!! I just quickly wanted to mention...if youve never made out with a soldier.. preferably while he is wearing a chest full of hard earned medals... that clank clank about ....until you grab a few with your teeth.. careful of course not to get lip gloss on the ribbons (that would be disrespectful, and might require remounting...and you know how much time that can take)soo just the medals... love...
well.. darling if you've not done this.....well your just not living.... go ahead..do it... for god and country and all....
xoxo
sb