Glamour Is A Rocky Road....

Tragically Delicious....

The rockstar sent me a few cds of new as yet unreleased tracks...
isnt that cute...
he thinks i give a shit....
he Fed Exed em..priority overnight...
like im waiting with bated breath for the new music to drop...
THEN...he called to make sure i got the fed ex...
and to see what i thought....jesus...dude..
i havent even had any coffee yet...
i sure havent listened intently to your loud ass shit ...it is freaking 8am...
but ..i was nice...
i asked the only question i could think of that would make it sound like i had listened to it ...
and kinda cared...
i said...
"Um... are y'all committed to leading with that first track?"
now he is freaking out ... i called somebody on the tour and asked em to take him a valium..
told 'em he needed it... and went back to bed..
xoxo

i've been kickin it with your girlfriend...

some things ..i am absolutely sure of....

• if you accidentally find yourself in the advanced TURBO kickboxing class instead of flow yoga ... you should prob. leave instead of pretending you knew all along this was gonna be Turbo kickboxing  class.   

• if you decide to stay in said kickboxing class...you should try NOT to stare at the hottie instructors boobs (which keep popping out of her "outfit") cause she could obviously go chuck norris on you...

• if you surprise yourself and others.... by finishing said TURBO Kickboxing class ... you should reward yourself  ... may i suggest??.. a menage a troi.. in bed...with my two favorite boys... Ben and Jerry... preferably squeeze cherry garcia in there too....

dont worry "Chuck Norris"...ill be back for more next week...
turbo kick that is ..ok ok..prob a tiny little menage a troi as well...

yours in sweaty cleavage,
xoxo
sb

It's As Anatomic as the Size of Your Steeple.....

The new benz cost him over 90k...
he freaking couldn't stand that i had more horsepower than him...
why doesnt he understand... it isnt a competition..
and  it just makes him look petty and silly ..

...ok ok...i did drive it..
and it IS shweeeet....
so yeah... that might have been me you caught a glimpse of ....in the super sleek black
new cl class that was breaking the law..." getting put her through
her paces" on 395 last night... (not me... the car you goofball)

whatever dude..its a car...
i wont fall in love with you because of it...
i wish i could...
xoxo

Who Needs Forever?

This is Destroyah ....seemed to me that Avenjah looked a bit lonely without her partner.. (last post)

when i was in vegas .. a friend had destroyah tatooed on his forearm..
she looks fierce..he had it done at Hart & Huntington
they film a reality show there..
but it was cool anyway.. i thought they would be jerks...
but they werent.. and the tattoo looks GREAT.. it took close to 6 hours...
we are gonna go back..
to get Avenjah.. on his other arm
cause Destroyah looks lonely on his arm by herself

some things just belong together.. and dont seem right when they are separated.... Avenjah and Destroyah seem to be one of those things.. sometimes i wonder...well..

maybe im missing something...(my mom seems to think so) by not having a significant other in the traditional sense of the word...

but then.. i usually realize..

not alllll of us are part of a set... some of us can hold our own just fine.. i think im one of those...
xoxo

                                                            Destroyah by Glenn Barr

I'll Only Leave You Crying in The Smoke Along The Tracks...

sometimes the only way to say something is to draw  a picture....thats why im so glad that Niagara exists... 
cause she paints...  the things we all know need to be said...

xoxo

Hell No We Wont Go

boys....
that was not cool... if i have to come over there..somebodys gonna get a pointy black patent leather stiletto up his ass.. and not in the good way!!

Achtung Baby!!

FYI babies...CLEAVAGE never hurt anybody! uptight mutherfuckers...they made me cuss.... at easter...bastards....its eva longoria for gods sake... she has the cleavage of a chubby teenage boy...  f-ing conservatives morons..

thanks..i feel a little bit better..

xoxo

The Numbers Never Lie....

• No. of clowns that told me they liked my red prada shoes this weekend.. 1 (of course I told him I liked his shoes too..then helped him find the nearest starbucks)
• No. of darling little Eastern European Trapeze Artists that I had lunch with this weekend..2 (I fucking love when the circus is in town)
• No. of open laptops on my coffee table right now.. 3
• No. of Neiman Marcus gift cards that were delivered by special delivery yesterday.. 1
• No. of multi million dollar real estate deals that went south again (and thereby necessitating Neiman Marcus gift cards) .. 1
• No. of pairs of designer sunglasses that I bought for 2.99 yesterday.. 2
• No. of pairs of designer sunglasses that cost over 300.00 that I bought today.. 1
• No. of townhouses 15 min from the beach that I wanted to buy this weekend.. but was too late.. 1
• No. of kick ass neighbors that were willing to set up a porn exchange program at the beach townhouse aka… the sh-WHORE House.. 1
• No. of people who thought I wanted something dirty..and shouted it out loud across a crowded bar last night..1
• No. of mins she left the bleach in my hair this time… 15
• No. of dollars my pepco bill was this month for my teeny place in the city …800…no I don’t make shit up apparently it IS possible to spend approximately 100 dollars per square foot for electricity….. somebody get al gore on the phone
• No. of DC Metropolitans Finest whose orders I completely disregarded..1
• No. of DC Metropolitans Finest who said… “aww..fuck him hes an asshole”…and let me do what I wanted.. 1
• No. of Spanish fellas leaving the Girls Next Door's place together…(weird huh? rare but not unheard of...not usually a team thing).. 2
• No. of times I got on the elevator in my garage only to have my stalker buddy jump in with me at the last mineuetos…1  (fucking scary little bastard)
• No. of times i checked under my kitchen sink for another leak.. ummm 46 (best guess)
• No. of times today that i got spam from my own domain ...1  WTF??
• No. of cups of coffee hand delivered to my bedside this morning ..1
• No. of times this morning that i got busted singing ring of fire at top of my lungs ... with the top down,of course....  ummm... several

anyway sugar babies...im not sure what all this says about me.....but im pretty sure .. that any half decent therapist could stretch this into months of sessions...

xoxo

Please Come to Austin....

hi babies..
ya know what is scarier than dating a rockstar??? well let me tell you..
having said rockstars LABEL call you in the middle of the night..
thats what..
goddamn them... fuckers...scared the bejesus out of me..
bastards.. didnt realize it was 1 am.. whatever..  they want me to come down to SXSW  in Texas..
cause you know how rockstars can get.. (moody and morose) and apparently some asshat genius at the label thought it would cheer him up if i came down there and surprised him!!!!  Thats a pretty EXTREME Booty Call ..placed by a wanna be wing man there....

ahem.....hello.. there is ONE rule to dating someone on the Road... only one rule..but it is a golden one that should NOT BE FUCKED UP.....

NEVER...NEVER ....NEVER... show up UNANNOUNCED...

when i pointed this out to the dickweed label moron... i could feel him blushing on the other end of the phone.... well i also told him..i wasnt alone.. and if he was gonna interrupt some sweet loving.
my beauty rest...he had better find a room for me at the San Jose'....
needless to say...im on my way...
jeez emo little bastards rockstars are cute..but they can be sooo much work......
xoxo

I know what you're thinking, I haven't been drinking.....

today..my friend..who is a psychic treasure hunter... brought me cookies..
to me.. it seems like a shameful waste of psychic ability..
xoxo