Glamour Is A Rocky Road....

The Future is Wide Open...

lil joaquim...is at his grandparents house for a few weeks.... his dad works in my building.. he left a message on his daddys phone..it was sooooooo cute..i HAD to share..

"hey umm dad...its me...joaquim... im having fun here..grandpa took me to this music store and its umm..like...really kinda cool they have pianos and saxophones and  guitars and stuff... and even "a costco" (7 year old for "acoustic") guitars ..so..im thinking i could get one of those and a strap or something...and start playing some johnny cash songs... umm..ok..grandpa also has some cds ...he calls 'em 45's .. whats that mean 45??..but its this other singing guy..have you ever heard of Hank Williams Sr???.....well talk to you later...bye.."

he is a johnny cash fan...
how cool... is that kid??? and his gramps is playing his old hank williams 45s for him!!! how cool is that grandpa?????.. it gives me hope for the future....
xoxo

Where's My Little China Girl??

...sooo anybody been to chinatown lately???...
notice anything missing????
well never fear...today at 230pm i walked into the Chick-Fil-A in Reston, VA...
(please... dont ask why...thats a WHOLE other post..)
Evidently alllll the chinese people have moved there...place was popping with em..
even one old dude who had somehow forced his comb-over into a faux-hawk...
no kidding.. it was amazing..
xoxo

Tragically Delicious....

The rockstar sent me a few cds of new as yet unreleased tracks...
isnt that cute...
he thinks i give a shit....
he Fed Exed em..priority overnight...
like im waiting with bated breath for the new music to drop...
THEN...he called to make sure i got the fed ex...
and to see what i thought....jesus...dude..
i havent even had any coffee yet...
i sure havent listened intently to your loud ass shit ...it is freaking 8am...
but ..i was nice...
i asked the only question i could think of that would make it sound like i had listened to it ...
and kinda cared...
i said...
"Um... are y'all committed to leading with that first track?"
now he is freaking out ... i called somebody on the tour and asked em to take him a valium..
told 'em he needed it... and went back to bed..
xoxo

Girls just wanna have fun...

The GOOD thing about drinking.... well ok..its so not the ONLY good thing..but it is A good thing...
is that the next day things come back kinda slowly...and in bits...
so you might be standing in line for your morning coffee
   and when i say morning...i mean 1:30pm..
when something from the night before comes back to you and you burst into giggles or a big ole grin for no apparent reason at all....
and everyone is staring and you just cant stop grinning cause you suddenly remembered where you left your panties...
it was that kinda weekend..
xoxo
sb

ps..its 2:30pm do you know where YOUR panties are???

You Know That I'm No Good.....

but.. occasionally i do good things...
Like this morning... i was driving to work.. top down.. radio louder than my mama woulda cared for...
a blond..in a european sports car... folks feel inclined to make conversation at the lights..
"how fast does she go?"
"how many tickets have you gotten in her?"
"wanna race?"
"what does your vanity tag mean??"  -note..if you have to ask..you wont get it-
I'm pretty used to it...i even enjoy it...
but this morning .... there was a twist....

i was pulled up next to a big Metro Bus... on Constitution Ave...
....there was a little horn toot...so i looked over and was thinking...
ok maybe i left the gas tank open???
the little window slid back... but instead of a burly ole man....
there was THE CUTEST LIL GIRL IN DC...drivng..
she looked a little like Left Eye... without the crazy eye...
or maybe Little Kim...back before she found a butcher plastic surgeon..
anyway...Moxy lil' bus driver... shouts...
"Girl....What is that CD??? I LOOVE IT"
i was  kinda shocked at the cute lil 90 lb girlie driving the big ole METRO BUS!!! GIRL POWER!!
I shouted back over the diesel engine...
" AMY WINEHOUSE... Back to Black" ....then i held up my finger...
and with the push of a button,
sex on wheels...  complied... and spit out amy winehouse...
i slipped it into the case and tossed it to the moxy lil thing!!
she did a dance in her seat....
literally danced about in her seat...
the light changed...
and i headed off to the office... no biggie..it was a promo copy... one that the rockstar left behind a while ago...

lil moxy was right..it is great..so i think i will buy a copy ..
amy is prob gonna need every penny... for when she finally does go to Rehab..
xoxo

If You Wanna Be My Lover...

Posh and Becks..  does anybody care??
soccer.. um... well.... its like the metric system..cool..yeah neat.. yeah um... technically better than our way...but umm... nah....thanks anyway.... too european to reallllllly adopt...
Americans... (not urban dwelling city folks who THINK they are representative americans) dont get it.... and they dont care...they just dont care how the REST OF THE WORLD does it..

middle America and soccer.... is like Bush in the white house....
just not gonna care what the whole rest of the freaking planet  does/says...
we do it OUR WAY.....
so media dudes...please just shut up!! for gods sake...
nobody can understand her....
and nobody is gonna flock to the football   oops i mean soccer fields...
the Becks will give it their best shot ..and i wish em luck... but ... america is tricky...
its not as easy to conquer as a press tour and media blitz...
it seems a bit of a slap in the head to all the folks that have worked soooo hard to bring soccer to the US and who have made great strides...to assume that a hot british couple are all it takes to make americans line up with ticket money...
its gonna take more than beautiful people with curious accents..
its gonna take a generation that gives a shit....
xoxo

or...maybe they could just continuously play that uber violent yet sexy clip of the sexiest french man i ever saw zidane world cup head but.. .. i dont care what anybody says..that was hot.. and im a freaking soccer fanatic since!!

If you're gonna be boring.....stay home

words to live by..
from Donatella... (a blond)

go get your fourth on kids...and ...

for petes sake dont set your hair on fire with the sparklers!!
xoxo

The Beautiful People....

The HOTTEST DC Artists are gonna gather....
thats hot...
there will be lobster...
thats hot too....if you see me..
remind me i owe matt sesow CA$H..
and tell me i look hot...
xoxo
sb

Hey Little Sister... Who's your Superman

It takes someone with advanced degrees in both philosophy AND poetry..
to work references to  "his one horned god" AND "her golden eggs" into
his wedding vows...
lucky for the rest of us..he is a mumbler.... so only the wedding party really heard
what he was ACTUALLY saying...
The parents were spared..
well..on second thought..they paid for the degrees....

best wishes kids!!
xoxo

i've been kickin it with your girlfriend...

some things ..i am absolutely sure of....

• if you accidentally find yourself in the advanced TURBO kickboxing class instead of flow yoga ... you should prob. leave instead of pretending you knew all along this was gonna be Turbo kickboxing  class.   

• if you decide to stay in said kickboxing class...you should try NOT to stare at the hottie instructors boobs (which keep popping out of her "outfit") cause she could obviously go chuck norris on you...

• if you surprise yourself and others.... by finishing said TURBO Kickboxing class ... you should reward yourself  ... may i suggest??.. a menage a troi.. in bed...with my two favorite boys... Ben and Jerry... preferably squeeze cherry garcia in there too....

dont worry "Chuck Norris"...ill be back for more next week...
turbo kick that is ..ok ok..prob a tiny little menage a troi as well...

yours in sweaty cleavage,
xoxo
sb

Lift up the Reciever, I'll Make You a Believer.....

i like to play god..
no doubt about it..its pretty cool...
lately ive taken to ringing up the payphone outside my building...
most folks wont answer it...
but schizophrenics... they seem to see it as a sign that GOD wants to communicate directly with them
......i just go with it..
it doesn't seem to surprise anyone that im a chick...
i encourage them to take their meds...dole out fashion tips...
one day i hid a bag of protein bars nearby and told a fella where to find it..
one fella has taken to hanging out round the phone at the same time each day...
waiting for his own personal jesus to call...
i try not to stand him up..
Today...
i was wondering do you think organized religion..
is just a freaking prank phone calll?????
xoxo

ps..oh yeah..the pic is just gratuitous sex

Bikini Boot Camp...

the shit i get myself into..if someone says that it will be at the beach....

DAY 4....

breathing hurts..but that is good..right??

yoga at 7

cardio on beach at 8

"boot camp" on beach at 9

ab class at 10

"stretch fusion" at 11

break..for a bit of turkey and some iceberg lettuce (uggh...who eats that shit)

then we head to the hot tub.... spa.. or steam room...

id take pix but i dont think i can lift the camera

i even said no to a shopping excursion with one of the other girls..

she has been here for three weeks

she said today id be tired..

like i needed her to say that!!

otherwise..

all good..all fun..

Ditsy Lil Tart and i are sooooooooo in charge of this whole facitlity at the moment

and the instructor wishes we would just go away...but that is kinda what makes me keep at it... and not just grab a martini and head to the pool..if the fat girls are gonna do it..i can too.. rrgh..

we have instigated trouble...allllll around us...

even talked a "good girl" from michigan into breaking bad for the bar and convincing her to hit on

a hot older brit that is here....natch.. i told him she was sooo ready to drop her panites for him.. so he was prepared for the cutesy hair flip she threw at him... ahh... DLTart and i could sooo teach a class on chatting up boys at hotel bars! ...they alllll think we are a couple of tartsy whores!!!lol..... OMG.. we are having sooo much fun just stirring up shit....

the place is filled mostly with chubby girls from midwest ..so we feel like freaking Paris and Nicole here... we have converted young daniel from the front desk into our  personal hot tub boy!! manager was sooo pissed to find him there !!! hope he didnt get fired.. like the meth addicted SNL skit of a waitress...who did!..

i really cant tell you what a freak show florida is!!!!!!

i cant continue...im late for cardio kick boxing...

..im positive we are gonna burn in hell.... unless .... this IS helll... in which case... as soon as my abs stop hurting..and i get a vodka tonic....ill prob love it...

xoxo

Bored with Your Sex Life??

Last night... i used a "john".... to keep from getting a parking ticket...
It started innocently enuff.. i was late...still rush hour..no parking.. 100 dollar fine..

He was looking for the Girls Next Door.. a Lost Boy ...

i spotted him right away..

he was staring at the keypad on my door.. pretending to talk on the cell..wearing Oakley sunglasses circa 1987 -that were bound to be keeping him from getting laid any other way- otherwise..he was cute..in a goofy frat boy looking way... 6'4" muscular  short cropped brown hair.. de rigeur ball cap..  baggy shorts and a generic polo shirt....i mean 3 vodka tonics and if he knew the right bands...id prob. do him..

me..well... i had the top down.. my ponytail was high and wind mussed.. big chanel sunglasses ..too tight black t-shirt .. so he looked hopeful when i put the european sports car (now dubbed "sex on wheels" by the ditsy little tart)  into low growl .. and braked hard right in front of him...
i decided almost instantly to use him...
i smiled and waved at him ... (thinking..damn im glad i wore a padded bra!)
i hit the flashers.. and pulled out the key...
started grabbing shopping bags.. and pushed my padded bits out in front of me a bit more than usual.. 
he gawked a bit..
then he started to follow me inside!!!...(johns always want to get off the street ASAP)
but i stopped him and said..

"Watch my car Honey!! DONt let them ticket it!!" ...

"ok ok ok no ticket" .. he said enthusiastically..with a thick eastern european accent.. and a huge grin that made him seem younger than the Oakley sunglasses suggested....

I dropped off my packages.. checked my makeup - powdered my nose..adjusted my ponytail.. and kept a wary  eye on "John" dutifully guarding my car... from the window...
then grabbed the key..& headed back out...

i nodded to him ...saying thank you.... and went around toward the drivers side..
he seemed perplexed..

he hadnt realized i was gonna leave..

i pointed to the "Girls Next Door" and said...Ring THAT bell..
Ahhh..he smiled...
and i headed off to park...
When i crossed the street a few min later from the garage..he was gone..
i went back inside dropped off my car key.. grabbed my jacket..
and headed out to walk a few blocks to my dinner date...
there was the usual rush hour number of people on the street heading toward various metros  and bus stops...
so i didnt notice him fall in behind me and start following me..
...in hindsight i should have been more careful

about a half a block later..he was calling me...MISS?? MISS??
i turned and almost got knocked over by him!
"IT'S ME AGAIN MISS" he said ..now looking sheepish... and i swear blushing..
I almost felt kinda sorry for him..

• John: "Your Working???"
• SB:     "umm.. no honey..sorry.. not today..im done!"
• John: " Tomorrow?"   (now i KNOW what hope SOUNDS like..)
• SB:    "umm..no ..not tomorrow either"
• John: "when when??"
• SB:    "oh i dunno...  maybe Next Week"
• John: "ok ok ok ..Next Week!"

and he disappeared back into the crowd....
I had dinner ..the whole time thinking..
im outta town all week next week..

"Little Snack in the Sack...Baby dont come back..
Midnight, Moonlight, good night...
Little Snake in the Grass... trading kisses for cash..."
                                                 -tkk   

xoxo

It's As Anatomic as the Size of Your Steeple.....

The new benz cost him over 90k...
he freaking couldn't stand that i had more horsepower than him...
why doesnt he understand... it isnt a competition..
and  it just makes him look petty and silly ..

...ok ok...i did drive it..
and it IS shweeeet....
so yeah... that might have been me you caught a glimpse of ....in the super sleek black
new cl class that was breaking the law..." getting put her through
her paces" on 395 last night... (not me... the car you goofball)

whatever dude..its a car...
i wont fall in love with you because of it...
i wish i could...
xoxo

Who Needs Forever?

This is Destroyah ....seemed to me that Avenjah looked a bit lonely without her partner.. (last post)

when i was in vegas .. a friend had destroyah tatooed on his forearm..
she looks fierce..he had it done at Hart & Huntington
they film a reality show there..
but it was cool anyway.. i thought they would be jerks...
but they werent.. and the tattoo looks GREAT.. it took close to 6 hours...
we are gonna go back..
to get Avenjah.. on his other arm
cause Destroyah looks lonely on his arm by herself

some things just belong together.. and dont seem right when they are separated.... Avenjah and Destroyah seem to be one of those things.. sometimes i wonder...well..

maybe im missing something...(my mom seems to think so) by not having a significant other in the traditional sense of the word...

but then.. i usually realize..

not alllll of us are part of a set... some of us can hold our own just fine.. i think im one of those...
xoxo

                                                            Destroyah by Glenn Barr

When Its All The Same, You Can Ask For It By Name....

the way i live doesnt work for every body... all i KNOW is ..it works really well for ME...

....i put my mom on a train back home this morning ......ok ok.. abdul (i have a new driver... alfonso went back to his country) drove her to the station cause i had an early appointment.....so this afternoon i logged in to write a post alllll about it ... but  this guy  kinda said what i wanted to say...(cept maybe for the not drinking part!) and he said it better than i could have...

soo..like i said mom..i know its not what YOU want for me....but im realllly happy...
so you dont have to worry...
xoxo

Avengah .. by Glenn Barr

I'll Only Leave You Crying in The Smoke Along The Tracks...

sometimes the only way to say something is to draw  a picture....thats why im so glad that Niagara exists... 
cause she paints...  the things we all know need to be said...

xoxo

I See Your True Colors..Shining Thru

Blogger Happy Hour Boycott left you with time on your hands????
.. try to get out to
Art-O-Matic

i love this show ..
always inspiring..
always fun and.... if, by chance, you dont looove the art...
you cant deny the effort..
personally i love the sense of enthusiasm that surrounds the show..its contagious..
it has good energy and is open late (good cause im not a morning person)
oh yeah!! almost forgot ....they serve drinx....
so go get your karma on...

if im there..im usually  making out in the "sound art" booth... e sure to say hi!

xoxo

Hell No We Wont Go

boys....
that was not cool... if i have to come over there..somebodys gonna get a pointy black patent leather stiletto up his ass.. and not in the good way!!

Viva Las Vegas...

Sugarbabies.... it involved a midget, a fez, a Pabst Blue Ribbon and a Pistol....
I know i know what happens in Vegas ..stays ...in Vegas... but if a few pics leaked out i couldnt realllllllly be held responsible..

oh yeah... should they ask you at check in

"would you like a Fantasy Suite?"

   well..im not sure what YOU should say...but i said yes.. and..

i realllllllly think it may have been the most fun ive had in my whole life...that AND

i got to meet some of the folks i'll be spending eternity with.... in hell...

I've already said too much... you wouldnt believe it anyway...it was  THAT good!!! or umm...bad...

xoxo

Achtung Baby!!

FYI babies...CLEAVAGE never hurt anybody! uptight mutherfuckers...they made me cuss.... at easter...bastards....its eva longoria for gods sake... she has the cleavage of a chubby teenage boy...  f-ing conservatives morons..

thanks..i feel a little bit better..

xoxo

The Numbers Never Lie....

• No. of clowns that told me they liked my red prada shoes this weekend.. 1 (of course I told him I liked his shoes too..then helped him find the nearest starbucks)
• No. of darling little Eastern European Trapeze Artists that I had lunch with this weekend..2 (I fucking love when the circus is in town)
• No. of open laptops on my coffee table right now.. 3
• No. of Neiman Marcus gift cards that were delivered by special delivery yesterday.. 1
• No. of multi million dollar real estate deals that went south again (and thereby necessitating Neiman Marcus gift cards) .. 1
• No. of pairs of designer sunglasses that I bought for 2.99 yesterday.. 2
• No. of pairs of designer sunglasses that cost over 300.00 that I bought today.. 1
• No. of townhouses 15 min from the beach that I wanted to buy this weekend.. but was too late.. 1
• No. of kick ass neighbors that were willing to set up a porn exchange program at the beach townhouse aka… the sh-WHORE House.. 1
• No. of people who thought I wanted something dirty..and shouted it out loud across a crowded bar last night..1
• No. of mins she left the bleach in my hair this time… 15
• No. of dollars my pepco bill was this month for my teeny place in the city …800…no I don’t make shit up apparently it IS possible to spend approximately 100 dollars per square foot for electricity….. somebody get al gore on the phone
• No. of DC Metropolitans Finest whose orders I completely disregarded..1
• No. of DC Metropolitans Finest who said… “aww..fuck him hes an asshole”…and let me do what I wanted.. 1
• No. of Spanish fellas leaving the Girls Next Door's place together…(weird huh? rare but not unheard of...not usually a team thing).. 2
• No. of times I got on the elevator in my garage only to have my stalker buddy jump in with me at the last mineuetos…1  (fucking scary little bastard)
• No. of times i checked under my kitchen sink for another leak.. ummm 46 (best guess)
• No. of times today that i got spam from my own domain ...1  WTF??
• No. of cups of coffee hand delivered to my bedside this morning ..1
• No. of times this morning that i got busted singing ring of fire at top of my lungs ... with the top down,of course....  ummm... several

anyway sugar babies...im not sure what all this says about me.....but im pretty sure .. that any half decent therapist could stretch this into months of sessions...

xoxo

Please Come to Austin....

hi babies..
ya know what is scarier than dating a rockstar??? well let me tell you..
having said rockstars LABEL call you in the middle of the night..
thats what..
goddamn them... fuckers...scared the bejesus out of me..
bastards.. didnt realize it was 1 am.. whatever..  they want me to come down to SXSW  in Texas..
cause you know how rockstars can get.. (moody and morose) and apparently some asshat genius at the label thought it would cheer him up if i came down there and surprised him!!!!  Thats a pretty EXTREME Booty Call ..placed by a wanna be wing man there....

ahem.....hello.. there is ONE rule to dating someone on the Road... only one rule..but it is a golden one that should NOT BE FUCKED UP.....

NEVER...NEVER ....NEVER... show up UNANNOUNCED...

when i pointed this out to the dickweed label moron... i could feel him blushing on the other end of the phone.... well i also told him..i wasnt alone.. and if he was gonna interrupt some sweet loving.
my beauty rest...he had better find a room for me at the San Jose'....
needless to say...im on my way...
jeez emo little bastards rockstars are cute..but they can be sooo much work......
xoxo

I know what you're thinking, I haven't been drinking.....

today..my friend..who is a psychic treasure hunter... brought me cookies..
to me.. it seems like a shameful waste of psychic ability..
xoxo

A Quiet Gathering of the Gods....

Hi sugarbabies....
last weekend…while washingtonians went about doing their normal washingtonian stuff.. there was a

Quiet Gathering Of The Art Gods..
 Hemphill Fine Arts  (1515 14^th St NW) deserves props for stepping outside their safe usual stuff and hosting a show Tug of War that included most of the Giants of the Lowbrow Genre.. or
Pop Surrealism.. as it has become known..

In any other city..

ok … any major city with a half decent art scene…

just one of these guys would have been enough to have lines around the block of art school confidential wannabes, groupies, and serious collectors…commanding prices that range from three hundred to 13 thousand… there is usually something for everyone..

but DC..well...I suppose it would be stretching it to call our art tastes anything other than kinda blah… not that we don’t have great artists.. we do.. or that we don’t have galleries that try to showcase good stuff.. we do..

we just cant seem to get the ultra conservative folks around DC to care about anything more risky than some black and white photos of statues…

but.. this weekend THEY were HERE..

and the stuff while risky by DC standards.. was… pretty tame when measured next to the body of most of these artists  work…

 the show includes the works of:

SHAG, Glenn Barr, Chris Mars, Joe Sorren, Tim Biskup, Gary Baseman, Liz McGrath, Bob Dob, Gary Taxali, Scot Musgrove, Daniel Peacock, Danial Martin Diaz… etc etc..

and will be here thru April 7^th… 

The Sunday Book Signing… included the following Superstars:

SHAG (Josh Agle) ..you know his work even if you don’t know you know it…

Glenn Barr …ahhh…my personal fave.. a Detroit native and brilliant fella… there are a few of his hanging at home..  here is his famous..
Jesus Tour 

 

a pretty cool way to roll...would'nt you agree???

Liz McGrath… kick ass gothy twisted stuff that never fails to get folks talking...her submission here.. doesn’t disappoint

 Bob Dob… ive been wanting one of his exaggerated angsty adolescents for a while now too…

 

the Gods were all sitting round a long L shaped table with bottles of Perrier on hand…
(kinda weird.. pop surrealism in itself ) chatting easily with each other and supporters…signing books and goodies…there was a slow but steady crowd that came through.. some in punky leather jackets, some in jcrew, (one blond in killer red patent leather pradas ;-)) 
but… not an overwhelming crowd… not the kind that would require bouncers… not the kind they would have had if they managed to gather these guys (and dolls) in any other town..
or maybe just in a town that believed that there is more to life than the scooter libby trial......
xoxo

sb

Greed Has Been Discontinued....

Greed has been discontinued…

thats what they told me... i know what your thinking.. its about time..

the ONLY person it ever looked good on was Aaliyah and she died in 2001…

every year i give up Lust and Greed for Lent…

truthfully… greed was pretty easy to do without… like i said..it

only looked good on aaliyah… i tried to find others it looked good on ..

but never did.. for some reason i still carried it around.. go figure..

…LUST... on the other hand...  is a seven deadly sin... of another color!

It looks great on EVERYONE

and i don’t care how tight my jeans are..i don’t leave the house without slipping LUST into the right front pocket…..

there are others…but i can ALWAYS count on LUST.. it’s a mainstay.. and it looks good with anything…anytime…

casual lust??  it looks great on a girl..

formal event?? no problem LUST on tops off any party look!! 

i did actually check with a priest (& two separate nuns) …

and ….

the priest who has heard all my confessions…and two sisters of  mercy…

all said basically the same thing…

 

“...for some..this would not be an appropriate sacrifice for the season….

BUT ….. knowing you the way i do… it is a completely acceptable sacrifice...”

 

soo for the last few years.. ok more years than I like to think I mean aaliyah died in ’01 for christ sake

 for 40 days and 40 nights.. no Lust no Greed

 last night as i was heading out to dinner..

i instinctively reached for LUST ….

but …then remembered my pledge…

I left the house with empty pockets…

LUST was on the bathroom counter mocking me…

 sooo anyway..there is a point to this…

now that i know GREED has been discontinued..im adding DESIRE to the list of sacrifices..

I gave up LUST and DESIRE.. you dont have to…

if you want your own.. you can get it  here…  MAC

One time… I gave up MAC completely… but that was just fucking girlish foolishness…

I feel..giving up the PERFECT LIP GLOSS..is really about as much as Christ expects from me..

i mean he IS a MAN... and

its not like it’s a freaking commandment… geez…

Christians can be sooooo uptight…

xoxo

Highway to Hell

Hi sugar babies,
Being too tired to unpack...is not necessarily a good reason to agree to a roadtrip...
Daytona in february however, is hard to turn down...

but let me back up a bit... last Friday the 23rd..was my first day in the office in a while…
i have been in NYC got home thurs night..
as soon as i got in and put down my briefcase …some of my bitches announced they were going down to Daytona for “Bike Week”.. and insisted i  come with them...

at first i held them off.... get this ...i realllly  said no.. but they were persistent..

and anybody that knows me.... knows.....

you can talk me into ANYTHING

if i think it will include vodka tonics and nice weather..so soon enough i  decided..

OK.. Why the hell not??

• its hot there … and hot weather makes me happy..
• its hot there... and i'm not opposed to being tan in February
• its hot there... and i kinda deserve it after trips to Detroit and NYC
• and um...did i mention it gets hot there

it was a road trip and i was exhausted.... soo… i figured..... and this is how i think..i swear...

instead of going home and unpacking   too much like work...
i would sleep in the truck on the way to sunny Daytona…natch

• oh yeah.. and... anything i might need for "bike week"..maybe a tank top and toothbrush??    i could probably get at a 7-11 on the way...

so without a GOOD REASON TO SAY NO...

… we piled into a Monster Truck..and headed south… after about 30 min..
(which in this town doesn't really get you that far down the road) somebody asks:

bitch:  Hey! can you can get on the i-net with that fancy new blackberry??

me: sure... umm why???

and thats when they dropped the bomb…

bitch: "can you look to see WHEN Bike Week is ..for sure?"

asshats!! none of them had even looked to see when Bike Week Was!!!
… for the record …
It is NEXT WEEK… we turned around and headed back to the office!

oh well you know how road trips can be...easy come easy go… personally i would have kept right on going....i didnt care THAT much about beaches crowded with insurance salesmen pseudo biker trash ..i just wanted to go somewhere warm put an umbrella in my vodka tonic and lie next to a pool..

but the asshats bitches..... really wanted to go to “Bike Week”

soooooo i went home unpacked..did some laundry and spent the weekend watching chick flix.. and a full on snow storm... but im not gonna complain......

im reasonably sure they will talk me into it again this friday....cause i pretty much suck at saying no to sunshine...

i know, i know...

thats what you love about me!
xoxo

You Own It, You Better Never Let It Go

They don't drive European Sports Cars in Detroit....
i didn't pay any attention at allll when the agent at Hertz gave me the keys to a new Toyota...
later..as i was driving around tying to get a feel for the city... i noticed it... NO FOREIGN CARS... not one...ok..JUST the one I was driving... the closest thing to a foreign car that i saw was a Saturn.. good for them, way to go...way to practice what ya preach kids..either that or that employee discount is better than i would have thought....
i definitely felt that if i had been a dude i probably would have gotten my ass kicked a couple of times..instead i got out and kinda kicked at my toyota, shrugged and said to anyone looking ..
"its a rental"... as way of apology..

what Detroit does have is:

• a Wicked cool art scene ..i even purchased a few new ones and if i was more of a whore i woulda called Supreme Court and asked him to buy me a few of the ones i couldnt afford..ok i might still do this..they were that good... and if your gonna be a whore i def. believe you should be an art whore

• Detroit is tuff..it could kick DC's ass..if they were in a fight..(which Detroit would have started over some smart ass comment that DC said) Detroit would win.. there wouldnt even be a real contest..Detroit would just pummel the shit outta DC

• Smokestacks ... Detroit is an industrial town..still... as down and out as it is..it is actually working and there is smoke coming out of the smokestacks and there are lots of them... i found it comforting to watch smoke curl out of them.. of course this could have been because it was cold like Greenland there.

• Coneys and Condos... Detroit calls hot dogs coneys.. i dont know why..some sort of weird connection and tribute to coney island that nobody seems to be able to recall....but coney stands reign supreme.. officially a cony is a hot dog with chili like sauce "coney sauce" and raw onions.. and supposedly is a "detroit original" other than coneys the ONLY thing that seems to sell in Detroit is new "loft style" condos.. which is ironic because they build them right next to abandoned warehouses filled with glass block, gorgeous limestone arches, and 40 foot ceilings... you know buildings that would make great AUTHENTIC lofts...but people dont really want authentic .. its not just detroit.. folks want stainless appliances not authentic steel beams with real dents and rivets and i know the economics.. its cheaper to knock it down than to rehab..but it still strikes me funny...and sad at the same time.... and while i said they are selling.... i don't actually know that..what i KNOW is that there are A LOT of them FOR SALE... which is quite dif.

• Catfish and Grits that made this southerner a little envious....who woulda guessed??. the Majestic Cafe was a great stop... the food was delicious including the yummmy basil vinegarette... the staff was great.... although it completely threw her when she asked how i was and i responded  "im just Great! How are you??" .. she looked blankly.. she completely lost it..apparently  "how are you?" is considered a rhetorical question in detroit and if you actually answer... well...their rhythm is completely lost...lol..she eventually regrouped..nicely..

• The Heidelberg Project ...part housing project.. part art project this is the definitive example of art making a dif in peoples daily lives.. an amazing community art project that is alive and bringing people from all over the world to a "forgotten neighborhood" bridging what keeps urban poor separated and thereby segregated  from  the rest of the city and the world....

overall..i love it..
gritty 8 mile, "girls next door" on michigan ave,  lowbrow galleries on woodward, a karaoke bar that could make your ears bleed from outside in your american made car.. (or your rented toyota), art shows that go until two in the morning, jazz and techno musicians swapping tips over a coney...

   
Detroit is authentic industrial america..hot and cold..  deteriorating and rising up at the same time...   i like that in a town...
xoxo

Dirty Detroit...

Hi babies!! cause its just not cold enough here right now..
(i think my ears have frostbite from a morning run)

i thought id hightail it to DETROIT ..thats motor city people.. next weekend..that Hot Spot freaking glacier of a city is having their annual..

Dirty Art Show...sexxxellnt...

i cant wait.. im not sure i can be dirty at the temps they have up there..but.. as you all know...im the kinda girl that is willing to try!!
xoxo

john john jesse ..... is a genius